Sometimes it falls right into your lap. Part 1

I'm not perfect not even close.  I would sometimes even consider myself a hypocrite because even though I try to live by my rules on this blog I still have alot of debt that is blocking my opportunities to make my life better but I still do live by my basic rules which have helped me stay in my house and keep up with my bills.  Some of my basic rules to live by are.

No car payments.
  I've heard and seen all the excuses. It's not safe. I'm afraid of my car breaking down.  It's not me. I need to build my credit.  Or my favorite that my BIL said to me "I wanted it"  to which I reply what do you want more? No debt and a financially secure house (maybe own a home instead of renting) or that car? Most people if given the choice with a snap of a finger would chose no debt but because justify their want for a need they miss the bigger perspective and buy the car. New cars only have that new car feeling for about a year. They lose so much value within that year that most of the time your under water by the time you want to sell, or trade in. If you can train yourself to have your cars paid for you will have better opportunities for financial improvement and score better deals. Used car dealerships know this and your not exempt from getting good deals on any make or model.  You can take advantage of those who "wanted", "needed", couldn't afford, lost, and auctioned. All because you committed to no car payments.

Live within your means
Saturday night live had a skit that hit this right on the nail. "Don't buy stuff you can't afford" if your living from paycheck to paycheck and your making 80k a year there's a problem.  Some people want a new house and cars so bad they stretch their budget so much that a single unexpected bill will put strain on their finances.  We recently had a lesson in church from one of our vets in the ward who lives in the nicer (maybe even the nicest) place in town. The lesson was on helping the poor. A general conference talk. He actually commented that he wish he could do more to help  the poor. I almost wanted to shout at him that he lives in a nice house in the nicest part of town. What's his excuse? He should have tens of thousands stashed away and he could if he would of lived within his means.  Some people want the new house so bad they stretch themselves so thin that they are borderline needing help and in some cases are the first to ask for help. Its the ones in the smaller houses living within their means are the last to ask for help. I wish that while someone is signing paperwork for their car or house that there would be a separate contract stating that they cannot ask for government or church assistance for the first 5 years of owning. I wonder how many would rethink their decision.

So for once I wasn't looking for stories one came to me. I was browsing my Facebook when I came across someone asking for a realtor on a group I follow. I clicked on her profile and found this.

yeah it's someone selling their house but for some reason I had to investigate further. How the heck was this family affording this house in our community where the Average income is around 35 k a year. Either she was selling to move make a profit or she is being forced to sell. I would imagine that even to afford that house they would have to pay a mortgage payment of 2500 or more. So I clicked on the comments and found this.

If you didn't catch it. It was the fuel prices that is effecting her husband's work. Secondly she mentiones the previous recession. Did she not learn from the previous recession?!?  Obviously she put a ton of faith in our economy to buy a nearly half a million dollar house that are bought on hilltops in the best places of salt lake. 

Vehicles repossessed?  There is a way to solve that! If Utah hasn't recovered why are you buying a house that you can't afford?

It pisses me off of how the real estate market will use fear to scare people into buying or selling. Whatever happened to buying a home so you can, I don't know,  live in it and not worry about the value. I'm sick of people always talking about their home value. She is right about prices falling. They will. Too many developers and government leaders are continually building but not filling the houses or in some cases filling them too fast where the person gets in and is going to be forced to move out because lets face it nobody has any budgeting or can I afford it sense.

Really it's not the house that is the biggest problem.  I know people (my own brother) who owns a gorgeous 7 bedroom 4 bath home that is bigger (with the exception of the garage) than this house. It's also on a 5 acre property. It was a similar situation like this that allowed him to get that house for half of what it was worth. It also has a cabin and another house ( turned into a shed) on the property. I should also note my brother makes over 150 k a year and has all his vehicles paid for! He has no debt except his house. When his family grew out of the 98 Voyager and he needed more seating. He bought a used Chevrolet suburban and had the engine rebuilt before his wife had the baby. He didn't go buy new. He could of. He could of paid cash for a brand new 40k vehicle if he wanted But he didn't. He doesn't even own a flat screen tv but does have a firebrick pizza oven in his house! (This is based off the last time i was there. He might have one now)

Unfortunately this couple couldn't have a brand new house without...

a brand new 40k  car. Not even a year old. with upgrades (happy face:) like a bigger screened DVD player with wireless headphones.  Because of these purchases they are forced to sell everything

 The house is # 3 when it comes to financial mistakes followed by car payments and credit card debt. the reason why is normally if you have no debt but the house payment you can afford to stay in it and have an ability to build up an emergency fund unless you buy too much house like this. (9 bedrooms and they only have 4 kids?)

Now what? Its like I've warned. The dilusionally rich need us now to sustain them after they are allowed to live a rich lifestyle which they should of never (or gradually step by step) got into. At least have some backing besides a job when these lenders gave them a loan! Now it's on to us supporting them through church welfare, food stamps, and government programs all because people won't learn.

I have a story I would like to share. I too can claim that I have a spidy sense when it comes to something big happening. I too remember feeling something is very wrong 2 years before the market collapse of 2008. I would constantly tell my wife while we would go on drives The real estate doesn't make sense. The contractors and developers would construct massive amounts of houses and apartments buildings and fill them either extremely fast or extremely slow. I even wrote an e-mail to my brother telling him that the real estate market was about fall and to hold off on a purchase.  He didn't listen and ended up renting a house at a loss for 2 years. 

When I was in high school my girlfriends mom was offered a job at a persons enormous house. For a while there my girlfriend's mom would brag about her job and brag about the owners home or their business. I sensed something wrong from the beginning and every time we went to visit them. I wont go into details and sometimes I can't explain it all I can say is when A+B does not equal C something is wrong.  For example A. Their business which specialized in Barn building (not very popular) + B. My girlfriend's mom constantly doing barely anything besides babysitting does not equal C. A luxurious lifestyle complete with a brand new house with an unfinished basement.  They eventualy lost the buisness the house and the cars and my GF mom lost her job.(I vaguely remember the house wouldn't sell because of some water leaking problems and I believe it went into foreclosure) She eventually received her last 2 paychecks months later. The last time I saw this delusionaly rich family was in a run down minivan and they were living in a relatives rental house. That was 12 Years ago.

I have more to say on this subject so I will dub this part 1 and get it published. 

Progress Report

(Note, I wrote this on Wednesday and it is now Saturday.  Not everything I said in this post happened. Still waiting on more positive things)

I figured that I would write a report on what's going right in my life. Blessings would be another term I would use.  I use the word blessings carefully lately although I sometimes don't see blessings I know without a doubt some blessings I have are definitely blessings.  I'll expound on that later. So here is my progress report.

So far it looks as though I might be able to make my mortgage.  Although it's not certain it's still progress. I will be picking up Fridays as much as I can.  I haven't worked one for a while but I'm going to try. My washer and dryer both work (I've been without and it truly sucks) My wife is starting to heal after having kidney and urinary tract problems (that's another hospital bill but for this post I will just reflect on the positive) both of my vehicles are running! I fixed my ambient temperature sensor.  (For almost free) My AC should work now. My cats stopped  crapping wherever they wanted. My wife was short on her agreement of paying her credit card last night. Within 1 hour she had over 160 dollars ready.  Uhm wow right. She sales clothing and it's legal. That's all I am going to say. Im two paychecks from paying off my 401k loan. My truck at work hasn't broke down and it's hump day so count your blessings  and make yourself a progress report.

The root of my issues ( I think)

I'm still trying to figure out a title.

I figured that for the first year aniversy of my blog I would write down what is still getting to me. What still needs to be fixed. Open up my past even more personal experiences That I still want resolved.  Why I still try to find fault with other mommy or family bloggers. What is the root of my frusterations or my anger. How can it be fixed. My point in writing these issues down is that I hope these too can be resolved.  If you read my last post about dissecting my first post I told you some of my "jealousy" issues were actually resolved during the year. I'm hoping for that this year. Alot of the resolutions to the problems I will write about are going to be far fetched trust me I know. I hope I can someday just forgive the debt I feel is owed to me but until that day here is what I still feel is owed to me. Yes I know sound like a whiney brat but unfortunately the whiney brat gets what he wants. Sometimes.

You've probably heard of the professer who took a glass put rock pebbles sand and  water in it all the while asking his students after every item was poured if the glass was full. I'm going to try to relate that to my issues. Instead of focusing on the smaller problem (sand)I'm going to focus  more on the larger problems  (rocks) to try to resolve some of my past issues.

The honeymoon.
Before I ever dated I thought about my future honeymoon.   (Guys plan their honeymoon girls plan the wedding)After my older brother took a week with his bride up to canada I started planing my future honeymoon.  Eventually I had a stupendous (actually it was pretty dumb) Idea for a honeymoon.  My plan was to head to the California coast then road trip to the east coast then back home spending up to 3-4 weeks doing it all. What happened?  I ran out of money and couldn't save any because my in laws had their rules for helping me. And it didn't help. My honeymoon consisted of a one night stay at a resort in Scottsdale Arizona then heading back to my in laws to open presents.  People if you can not afford a honeymoon please consider posponing the wedding.  I still regret not going. We thought we were going to resolve that issue within the first  year but unfortunately her family's spending habits were contagious and we kept going into debt because my bride constantly bought items we "need" (like decorative towels and new 300 dollar pot n pan set or a pillow top matress and t.v. that her mother in law sold us).
I still want a honeymoon but it will not be the same. It can't.  You don't get the same excitement as you do with a new bride but what would help? A paid for extravagant vacation such as a Bahamas cruise or Jamaica or Hawaii? Maybe. I would also like my 400 bucks back from the previous MIL. Actually she more owes me around 20 k. Trust me I can prove it.

The car I never wanted.

There's no think that irks me more than car payments and there's a reason.  If you read my post a while back I had a short story of how that came to be. To cut it short my FIL and MIL handed off a problem (they were good at that with us ie the mattress and t.v. mentioned above) to us. The story goes deeper than that though . When I met my wife she had a learners permit and didn't get her license till after we were married.  It was a control issue her step mom had. So not only did my in laws hand off a l iscense issue to me they also handed off a car she couldn't learn to drive. It eventually cost me close to 25000 that I shouldn't of had to spend. To fix this problem A. I win the lottery b. Someone gives me 150 k to completely get out of debt c. My father in law gives me 20k ( which he arguably owes me from forcing us to take the car) or D I win a brand new 2015 Honda Odysseus with taxes and registration paid for.

Fake friends who don't realize how much hurt they cause.

I don't want to go to deep into this story but these "friends" really showed us what kind of friends they were when they chose to go on a date rather than babysit our kids so we could, I don't know, have a baby. (By this point I hadn't been on a date for almost a year) And for those who think we just asked out of the blue, nope, we had this plan for weeks. This was the family I mentioned in the first post who lived with his parents then moved to Arizona to move in with her parents. I'm telling you parents out there who think your helping when you continually let your kids live with you. You may be doing more damage than good. This "friend" of mine has not had a steady job since he moved there.  I personally think one of the reasons they moved was because the grandma down there felt it was her turn and she was going to stop at nothing to get them to move. I would like an apology and for them to have a taste of their own medicine. I can go on what that could be but I don't have time.

The getaway cabin.

It's funny that at least half of the bloggers I followed during my "jealousy" rage had cabins to escape to. I still need and want I one. Solution obvious a cabin

Free babysitters.

Everybody  knows everyone. Why? They never leave their family.  I don't think anybody gets a clue of the real world unless you're away at school or away from your family have kids then realize family is good for something.  One of the reasons I haven't done alot of dates or getaways is because I have no one except for a paid sitter who I would trust long enough to take my kids. No surprise getaways with just my wife and not that many dates. Unlike neighbors and friends  (who do not invite us to their outings because they know we don't have a babysitter)  Solution. I might need to move closer to family or be wealthy enough to higher a full/part time nanny


More weekend trips.

 Solution more balanced finances no car payments no debt more cash or I guess we could do more family business trips.

My parents contract.
Afree coming up from college with only enough money to pay for one way. My rodeo started having problems.  I had a plan to make some quick cash but unfortunately my car took up my time. I finally figured it out but ran out of time to make some cash. I asked my mom for cash to get back and my dad got involved wrote up a contract and had me sign it. All over 300 dollars. They were paid with in a week. I think about that contract often and I still have it. When I am struggling I feel like I can't ask them for help anymore.  I'm afraid they'll do the same thing. Several of my brothers have thousands of dollars owed to my parents.  Not one of them has a contract.  Solution.  An apology a wedding gift (lets just say she forgot to add 50 dollars to a wedding gift she owed me. She gave me my money back) and maybe a taste of their own medicine.

I know I sound like a 13 year old girl. It's not that I don't care I just want to get all of my feelings out so I can start climbing.  If grudges need to be brushed off and trespasses forgiven let me find my way to do it.

To 2015. the best year of my life. Please!

Year in review

Wow what a great unfortunate unpredictable happy mad and frustrating year. When I started this blog I was beyond irritated frusterated mad angry and annoyed. I had friends who had dumped us. I had friends that had two sides to their personality.  I had friends who were fakes behind our backs. I saw people struggle while their neighbors had fantastic life's. I read and saw couples and families increase their stature in living.  They had a great home a car and were highly educated. They lost their income but kept their possessions because they received handouts from their church.  I was tired of seeing people make mistakes that ultimately should of made them have a wake-up call did not teach them nothing because they were constantly saved by their safety nets. I finally had it and to save my sanity I had to write my feelings down and boy did it sure help.

So I've decided that for my 1 year review I would take my very first blog post, dissect it and tell you a little bit more perspective and stories of what was happening within the word's.

I got my first smart phone 2 years ago. Obviously since then I have had unlimited resources to the world wide web and to peoples personal lives. It was back in 2009 after being unsuccessful the second time for tickets to the Christmas concert and Christmas devotional that I found out by typing a few words into Google I could find out who did win and who did go.

After months of not having enough pay and having more work I decided I was going to find out if my life was normal. Was I the only one who was forced to stay home on the weekends because I could not afford to drive to the grocery store to fill my fridge or did in fact others have a fabulous life that I had every right to as much as they did. Thats what started my searching and what started my blog. It's what also led me to this blogger who I mentioned in my first post.

Excuse my grammar. I've thought about fixing it but since it gives me an unintelligent character I'll leave it. In this first paragraph I was referring to an annoying newlywed couple who had it rough. After taking a trip to Italy they returned for a week somehow got the time off (and the money) to go to Disneyland. An unplanned trip out of the blue! I'm sorry there is no way that with one in college and the other in an entry level position that they didn't have support.  They were constantly flying to her home town in Washington and taking a trip Every weekend.  They had to be supported. Why? Yeah it is non of my business but in my own religious universal confusing belief it is my business. It didn't make sense to me and it also proved that yes I really did have a crappy life.

The next couple I blog spied on is referenceed here (again these are all from my very first blog post)

Yes they did have a secluded cabin. I couldn't tell if her husband's side owned it or if it was her side. She talked about running  away to it every time she was depressed or sad or just to get away. After a cousin of hers died she went there often to "deal" with her emotions. Funny thing is is that she has not mentioned her cousin for about a year. She did have a baby but I wonder (respectfully) if she was writing about him so that people would be sympathetic toward her. She was sure sympathetic towards herself.

Out of all the blogs I followed i think this one intrigued me the most.  This couple had no and I mean no financial problems. They had a gorgeous nice 400,000 dollar house on a hill close to Provo.(paid for by there parents I'm assuming) I actually found where they did live how much they paid and how much they sold it (man Google is great isn't) and  they were both under 25! I know life is not fair and including not fair to them. They had twins.  A girl and a boy. When they were 4 months they went on a trip to Hawaii that her mom paid for without her kids. I don't know about you but I would have a hard time leaving a 4 month old for 10 days.  Lastly I don't know why some rich LDS members think it's all right to take their garments off when they are on vacation.  I'm not perfect (trust me) but I've never had a problem with that. She was non stop in a spaghetti strap while on her "second" honeymoon. (I'm still waiting for my first honeymoon)

I know this is all gossip or personal problems of mine but I will get to a point....maybe.....someday lol. My point in writing about this is some people like me need to realize and open our eyes to others who live nearby and ask why are they living better. Is it religious?  Did god bless them with a fabulous life? Why? Is it political?  Laws protecting there wealth. Why? Their job or inheritance?  How can I have a more even playing feild.  

Well since I've started this blog I have seen alot of changes in 2014 year vs the previous year.  I finally was invited to a cabin. Twice! I went to Disneyland. (Overdrafted my bank account and would of rather not of gone but it was still fun) I didn't have to work 10 weeks. (Had to lose my left hand functions) I went to the beach twice. Drove to Illinois  Arizona California. I even surprised my wife with her first ski trip. Yes things are getting better yes I still have things I need to resolve mentally emotional physically and financialy. Yes this blog makes no sense and sometimes I hypocritically contradict myself.  I'm trying to find my balance and as soon as I do (or when I win the lottery) I am erasing this blog. It's only perpose is to help me therapeutically find my way.

Here's to 2015 being the year I find the reasons to erase my blog.

The January "I can't afford it"award goes to???

Remember a few months ago I made a post on selfish truck owners. I broke down the numbers on how much you actually pay for a truck.  For example you have a 600 dollar a month payment but when you calculate everything (insurance gas oil changes registration) your total vehicle cost is more around a thousand a month.
So I was browsing my Facebook and I came across this today

I give you (my one reader) the winner of the "I can't afford it" award.

Here is what I have gathered.  This person is within his second year of marriage. He is around 25 and it's obvious from his pictures on his facebook page he has no concept of budgeting. Not only has he been to New York city and Boston but he's been on a Caribbean cruise and Disneyland or Disneyworld. (I can't tell) this all in the short 2 years he's been married.

So why can he no longer afford this truck ?

Life changed! Which it always does!  Here is the ad.

oops wife got pregnant I guess it's time to grow up. Stop living like we are always dating

Did you also notice he hasn't learned his lesson.  His plan is to downsize his payment until something else happens then what? Come up with that lame excuse that "we're struggling"

If your going to buy something like this back it up. The truck is not even a year old! He couldn't even make it a year??

Again my advice is this. A. Don't finance a car unless you absolutely have to and if you absolutely have to don't finance above 5000. Many reasons for that 1 if you were to fall on hard times a hundred dollar payment is alot easier to come up with than 600 and most likely insurance and registration is cheaper.

welcome to the club buddy. Hopefully after the twins come you get your hospital bill,  go on church assistance, and sign up for WIC you might have a wake-up call that welcomes you to the real word!

100 dollar payments for this. 

Just sayin. 

Taking Pride in being poor

When I was younger I loved playing a game called scum bum. The object of the game was to increase your stature by playing your cards right. With four people playing you had a president a vice president a scum and bum. The scum and bum had a disadvantage because they both had to give up their highest cards to the president and vice president. They then had to rely on luck and skill to try to reach the president position.  I thought about this Game while reading a blog I stumbled on today. Not only did this young couple have a huge safety net to fall back and use, it also seems that by using these safety nets has increased their stature to the point where they don't have the "blessing" of having to chose to accept or stay at a job they don't like or have a good offer for example

Again I haven't had that option to not accept a job or the option to quit my job and you can forget about moving in with my in laws. That and my current situation and being late on my mortgage payment and barely even making my mortgage which is half of the average mortgage payment out here I have decided I'M POOR and I'm proud of it. 

I'm not talking 3rd world country poor where I haven't eaten for days and my kids are running around with no clothes on but arguably by utah and united states standards I'm poor. I paid only half of my gas and electric bill this month. My mortgage is a week late I go out daily to grab extra needs we need my fridge is empty constantly my gas tank never gets filled all the way. My Windows have a plastic sheet taped around  It's time to face the music guys I'm poor. 

Now I can look around my room and my stuff might tell a different story. My flat screen t.v. (value 230 dollars) might tell you I'm not poor nor would my 100 dollar "used" t.v. stand. I might be able to get 50 dollars for my blue ray. Without listing all of my possessions my total value vs what I owe is in the negative it's time name the  disease and find a cure.

The unfortunate thing is that there is alot of people who are in the same situation as me who blind themselves with middle class attire when in actuality they are poor. Now again I'm not talking I haven't had a meal in days poor or I'm living on the streets poor. I am talking about a real degree of poor that is hidden in society. Probably because those who want our hard earned dollars want us to feel we have a middle class life and we  feel the need to compete with our neighbors to increase in our middle class lifestyle. I say just face the music l. Pick up your "poor card" play it hard and work even harder to achieve an honest middle class life. 

My favorite financial guy Dave Ramsey has a saying to "eat rice and beans". Reduce your living to the bare essentials, clean up your mess prepare for another financial disaster and live a wealthier life. In laments terms "go poor".  

Now if your still on the fence on accepting that you are in fact poor  let me ask a series of questions. If the answer is yes substitute the phrase"here's your sign" or in other words I'm poor after each question. 

Did you put your put your Christmas gifts on a credit card?.......

Do you fill up your gas tank to a certain dollar amount? ....

Did you skip a utility or phone payment this month?......

Do you struggles to pay your car payment? ....

DO you struggle to pay your rent or mortgage? ....

Do you rent because you can't afford a house?.....

Do you use the grace period on your house or car all the time? 

Are you on WIC?...

Have you recently filled a food order from your church or food bank?...

What about my favorite subject your car.

Do you outright own it?...

If not why?...

Are you long overdue for tires or maintenance?.... 

Here's your sign reader YOUR POOR

now what?

First recognize and accept that you are poor. Stop living a lie. Stop buying things that are miss labeled "needs" 

2nd pick up your poor card and use it! Can I go out to eat? No because I have the poor card. Can I get free food? Yes because I have the poor card. Can I buy presents for my relatives?  No because I have the poor card. Can I donate to charity?  That's your discretion.  Just remember it doesn't make sense to donate to an organization your on the verge of using.

3rd. Find out why you are poor and attack and overcome them.  Is It credit card debt? Mortgage payment? An unreasonable car payment that shouldn't have been bought in the first place because you justified it as a need!! ? Medical debt? A bigger house that you feel you deserve and won't settle for less?? You may need to move. Find out what's making you poor and work pay sell sell sell everything and anything until all of those questions above are answered with a strong YES!

My father in law told me that poor is a state of mind. This is coming from a person who has filed bankruptcy twice!! Maybe if he had entered that state of mind before those bankruptcys he might be doing alot better. 

So be poor reader you might already be and not know it because you're blinded by middle-class attire that is eating away at your paycheck. Force yourself to be poor before your forced to be poor.