March "I Can't Afford It Award"

So  yesterday at church we had a combined meeting with both priesthood and relief society. The lesson was on how to be better teach our lessons. One thing they discussed was that a great teacher doesn't try to teach the student he let's them learn through pondering and questioning. So since I only have two days to come up with a canadate/winner of my car payments anonymous group (CPA) I can't afford it award for March I've decided to just post the add of the canadate and let you decide for yourselves why you think I've chosen him but don't worry I'm experimenting with a podcast type idea that I may soon upload.
My first subject will be this add.
So here is the canadate

Here's the car

And Here's the add

a couple of things I want to add. Through some sourcing I've found out this person is less than a year into his marrage and He's in college.  

So go! Why does he deserve the I can't afford it award.

"the struggle" with infertility

I've been debating how I want to present this. I have an an annuncement that's about a week old. After a monday night trip to the movies to see Cinderella, my wife came downstairs to show me a positive pregnancy test. It shouldn't be a surprise. We knew it would happen eventually. I was just hoping it wouldn't happen so soon. I want to direct my attention towards those who struggle with infertility and admit something.

Lately  I've been noticing alot of infertility couples in the news. Wether it's the quadruplit couple who recently had their babies, the blog I follow, or the recent Deseret News article I read last week one thing they all have in common. "The struggle". It's in every news blog or Facebook post. The story of how the couple "struggled" to have a kid.  Wether it was financial  emotional physical Or spiritual  they do struggle. I have never struggled to have children but would it be harsh to say I wonder what it would be like?

You know those surveys that started on the blog world and eventually ended up on Facebook? The ones where you bold or underline the things you have accomplished? I want to do one too. If you know a "struggling" couple, meaning, struggling with infertility, or are that couple, think about this list and what you can add to it or what you have accomplished. I also want to add this is something you have done as a couple. Also if you lived in a certain  area like Hawaii or Alaska and it says something like "have you ever traveled to(blank)" It doesn't count.
So, have you....

Been on a cruise.
(Still waiting)

Visited New York

Had a lobster dinner

Been to Paris

Random weekend getaway
( that includes airplane
travel to get there)

Won a trip

Been to Hawaii

Disneyland

Disney world

Vegas

Been on church assistance

Cancun

Stayed at a Beach house

Had your mortgage or rent paid by a church

Stayed at an oceanside hotel

Stayed at a luxury suite. (Comparable to the aniversery inn)

Stayed at an all inclusive resort.

Had an entire cabin to yourselves

Italy

Rome

Jamaica

Bahamas

Been on Food stamps

I think I'm just going to leave it at that.
Most of you married "struggling"  couples may look at that list and notice that while your "struggling" your  getting  alot done on your bucket list. FYI Anything bolded above has been done with my kids.
My point is this. It goes both ways. Either you struggle to have kids and while you're "struggling" , you probably have some pretty awesome vacations and accomplish a lot or you have kids barely get by with just enough money. Have no money for vacations and even if you did finding someone you trust to take care of them for a length of time You constantly worry  about them. At least I do. We both "STRUGGLE"

I don't mean to tell you this next story to scare you its just one reason why I find it hard to go on a getaway with just my wife and I. I once stumbled upon a blog about a young maried couple.  About a year after they had their first kid they decided to get away. While they were gone the parents of the Husband got into a car accident killing all 3 including their little girl. I wish I had never read that but that haunts me to this day. It's  one of the reasons I'm hesitant to get away. That and debt.

Maybe some of you are wondering  why I put assistance programs up there. If your bolding cancun Disneyland and and assistance program(s), that doesn't make sense. I also put them up there because alot of young married couples with kids are on those assistance programs. This still confuses me. I was taught (and we all were taught in the church ) that we should  stay away from government and church assistance programs and become self reliant then when you get married they tell you to go and multiply and replenish the earth, You do, then end up on some type of welfare. What? So again even if you have kids, if you mark off Hawaii and food stamps. Yeah. That makes alot of sense.

So I think I will leave it at that. I have a little  bit more to say on my personal feelings about having another baby but I am not ready nor in the right mood to share them. Have a great Monday everyone.

Progress Report, What's to come, and random ramblings.

Last week I looked up a blog I visit quite often. I had a question and was trying to find an answer and so far I couldn't.  This particular  blogger  was a little bit late on blogging so I thought it would take some time to reveal that "something"  I was looking for. Well I'm sad to announce (mainly to myself) that she has put her blog on private and I wonder if was because of me.

My wife has a blog of our family. If some of you are curious  of my life. It is written  in that blog all the way back until right after we were married  in 2006. It too is private. At one point it was public until my wife's friend found a picture of her daughter  on a website. So back in 2007 my wife went private  and so did most of her friends. what I'm  trying to get at is I get why this particular  blogger  went private I just wonder of it was because  of  me.

So alot of progress has been  happening. If this ship maintans it's current course I may stop ranting  by next year.

1. I (Finally) got a decent raise! I'm  still taking this with a grain of salt until I see the results but what I figure I should get a sizable  paycheck  as soon as next week! This is incredibly  awesome  considering  I haven't  been  making much for the last 2 years.
2. My wife is also doing awesome at her at home business. Yeah the house  is not always  clean and laundry  is not done but when I come home walk into the office (that my wife and I just remodeled over valentine's  day) and she's  has a ton of shipments  going out, its  all worth it.
3. Taxes are done and we were able to pay off a credit card that was charging us around 6.50 a day  in interest. Such a relief. We tried to get them to turn down  the interest but they wouldn't. I've  been noticing a trend with credit card companies lately. It used to be that you would be able to threaten them that you would transfer funds or go to another  credit card company  and they would  return your fees or lower your interes. Now it's  like they have these probability charts they look at and then make a decision. I'm  guessing  they called our bluff thinking we were full if it so we laid  down four acesand paid them completely.

4. I won the most I've  ever won on a lottery ticket. It's  not a life changing amount but it IS the most I have ever won. I think the most I've  won is 25. It's  just nice to finally  have a little  luck. Now if I could just win a jackpot amount.

5. I would of ended on four but five seems to be a more reasonable. The calender is opening up with more activities  and life is just getting  better. Even my relationship with my wife is getting better. We may or may not do something  crazy this weekend  by ourselves. We deserve it. I just don't  know if we will.

Lastly I just wanted to write down a few ideas  on what to write. I may publish this before all my ideas are down but it's  more a reminder to me rather then material for my reader

1. "It goes both ways" I've  read and heard couples complaining that they are not able to have a family right away Infact some of these couples who are trying have waited a couple of years to start trying weather it was to have fun or get a college degree then when they do start trying they find it very difficult to conceive Which leads to heartbreak anger and even marital problems. My argument  is that it goes both ways and even those coupless who do have children  right away weather they planned  them or in my case, not, there is still a real stuggle that they go through and have to dealwith so without going into too much detail I'll leave it at that.
2. I don't  want another kid right now.
my wife wants to be pregnant. I'll  explain  my reasons.
3. Why is it acceptable  to have assistance  while your just starting out in a marrage. I'm  asking not explaining. It doesn't  make sense to me that young couples our using medical and state programs  while some people like me work three jobs to make  sure my family was ok.

I'll leave it at that. Happy Monday everyone!

A tribute to my old room

I wanted to do a short tribute to the room I grew up in. I'm  up here in Idaho staying at my parents for the weekend for the first time that my old room will be empty most likely  never to be filled again. My parents bought this house back in the 70's and they have lived here for over 40 years. During that time they raised 9 kids in this home without a dryer and a wood burning stove as their only source  of heat. The house has survived a couple of fires and at least 2 earthquakes  that I know of. Last December  my youngest  brother got married and just 2 weeks ago the last sibling was married in the Logan temple. I've  been finding myself reminiscing around my old 400 (estimated) square foot room that once housed 6 boys at one time. I looked at the ceiling and noticed a sad tale of how we almost lost this house. Water stains littered the ceiling with a story  of sadness and gladness that the good lord spared our house from a fire for years to come. Our room never had a door. After I moved  out my brothers  did eventually  put in a curtain. Just some fyi.

I sat up there all alone by myself  this last Sunday  staring at the doorway. This room is almost sacred to me. Testimonies were born in that room. 6 missionaries left through that doorway to return 2 years later. I being the only one who didn't  serve. All 7 of us left through that doorway to finally  say goodbye. Wether it was for college  or to get married. This last month my younger brother was the last to step  out of that bedroom to do just that. I wonder if he sat down for a moment and thought about all the memories  we had in that room. The talks late into the night. Or getting ready for school. The excitement  we felt on Christmas morning or the bone chilling nights. The sleepless night after our first kiss or getting over heartbreak are just a few of mine that I will cherish.  Goodbye old room. May I never forget all the memories  you have produced for me and my family.

it's not going to last forever

When I started this blog I didn't know what my exact intentions were. I knew I had an opinion I felt nobody cared about. I knew the hand that was dealt to me could of been better. I did see opportunities taken away from me that seemed rightfully as much as mine as it was for the person given those opportunities.  It wasn't until later down the road when I would rant on my blog about how life was hard for me but mr jones down the street has an easier life due to some base of support that I didn't have and then all of a sudden I would have an opportunity or something happen that improved my perspectuve (which never happened before this blog) I then realized what the purpose of this blog was and when and why someday it will be erased and forgot about.
I was thinking lately what would it take for me to erase this blog. Again this blog is my therapy you reading are my free therapis and I'm not counting on having a therapist forever. So I've come up with a few solutions that could immediately be the solution to the blog........ erasing .........ceremony thingy..dun dun dun! and if that's not confusing enough my solutions may be.

1. The grandest solution.  150,000 big ones. Money can't buy you everything but a lump sum could buy peace of mind. I recently calculated my entire debt. It's sad but exciting to realize that my entire debt is less than my house was bought for back in 2007. Thats everything. The house car medical  credit and 401 k loans. If only right? I don't  need a million  but I could  argue for 150000

2. On the same subject as the above line a better paying job or an increase  in salary could  be my solution  to erasing this  blog. I do have some developments  in this but it's  to early to blog about it just yet. Give me 3 weeks.

3. Some basic and extreme luck. Win a radio station prize or a getaway. A cruise (oh how I would lover to go on a cruise) a trip to Hawaii  or Bahamas. Or more extreme  the lottery. Just dreaming.

4. A getaway place of my own. To be more specific  a cabin. Somewhere  I can escape  to on the weekends  to get away Somewhere  I can just start a fire and think.

5. People being envious  of me and my situation  for once Instead of the other way around. A better house? More surprised  vacations?  better luck?

6. how about  some good honest caring friends  who don't  leave you in the dust when another  friend  comes along. Someone who likes to go camping and go out go eat. (my wife and i seriously asked this one couple a dozen times. It didnt bother me until i foumd out they did go out to eat with another couple who was the biological mom of their son) Someone who doesn't  chose you as the babysitter while they hang out with their other friends. Someone who won't  exclude you.

7. And Lastly a little friendly revenge. You and I have both had those situations where you know if the shoe was on your foot you would of done something  different.  Take my older brother for example. I ask him for a loan tell him all my private financial history only to be told no. Friends who have been so friendly not to invite us somewhere  only to find out they invited the new friends. Or family bringing over their toys only to find out they invited their friends to go have fun and not you. I know it a jeolousy issue but if the shoe was on the other foot wouldnt they be jeolous? And again this is my blog. I will and can be jealous  if I want to.

 I Don't know the perfect  recepie  for me to erase this course setting blog. I do know it will be. I just need some perfect luck and a perfect life for just a while. Long enough  to navigate  to the right course. The course I've  been  trying to get on for the last 10 years And guess what, things are happening that are helping. More things to come. The course is starting to change.