Cheaper than counseling.

Sometimes I envy those who have parental support and I'm not talking just financial I'm talking about parents helping you out of a bind or showing up when you need them. At the same time I have again and again shared my feelings on how parental support can go both ways. It can be very damaging to give someone a sense of security to the point where they stop working as hard or in some cases stop working all together. A former friend had this happen to him.

Unfortunately he doesn't see it.

 Although his in laws are helping him by providing him with a place to stay at no cost he has relaxed his ambition to the point where he has drastically reduced his career sucess. Here he is 10 years into his marriage and out of those 10, two have been lived outside a parents home. His safety net has grown so big that he has (as far as I know) no ambition or plans to move out.

So I guess I can at least be thankful for parents who have not allowed me to move in with them.

Then again.....

You would think that a parent if asked would lend you SOME support. Maybe make some rules, write up a contract, have an end date you both agree to....

While away at college my second year I felt homesick. It was quite a stressful semester. Both me and my fiancé were struggling financially. She'd help me and then I would turn around and help her. To save money on food we would eat together buy our groceries together and split them. For example, we both didn't drink alot of milk so we saved a half gallon container and then split a gallon. Around Christmas time I decided I wanted to go to my parents house for new years. Unfortunately, (me being a financial guy even back then) I figured out I only had enough money for a one way trip. I made a plan to work a few jobs while up at my parents to get enough money to drive there and back. Murphys Law took affect on our way there. My Rodeo struggled from somewhere in southern Utah all the way up to Idaho. At times my top speed was 45 mph. After making it to our destination I found out a few days later that my rodeo needed a  new fuel filter and unfortunately I used up all my time trying to figure that out. As with most of my siblings at one point or another I decided to ask my parents for some cash to get back home. Let me remind you I'm a poor college student who wanted to go home for the holidays. Most normal parents might give you a few bucks to help you out. Some may even WANT you to come visit for the holidays and may even pay for your trip! Such events must be rare because I've never experienced such a thing.

Anyways back to my main story.

At first my mom said yes. She would lend me the 100 dollars cash. Later that night my mom called me into the kitchen. When I got there my dad was sitting down and there was a hand written contract on the table.

For 100 dollars (plus some previous amounts for insurance) I signed that contract at a 5% interest.

Want to know the rest of the story?

Two days later I payed my parents off!
I had a check in the mail for 900 dollars from a pending insurance claim right when I got back to my house.

That felt good.

Around 2 years later my younger brother decided he was going to become a rich real estate investor and wanted to go to school for that. For 20 GRAND! Found out later that my parents lent him that money. As far as I know without a contract.

That's the back story to my recent experience.

So here I am years later and a few instances later including my sister moving in with my parents temporarily where I finally decided to humble myself and ask my parents for temporary assistance. I called my mom after selling our house and asked her if we could stay temporarily at their place until we find and buy a house. At first the answer was "ok" I wasn't expecting an excited answer but I was expecting a fair judgment call. Something along the lines of " I let my daughter and son in law stay  and have given support to my children who have needed support. My son is asking for temporary support. I don't want to at this time but if the shoe was on the other foot what woul
Would my expectations be"?

Anyways

Again......after a few weeks my mom sends me a text basically telling me to seek a rental because she fears us living with her will cause a disruption in their lifestyle.

I'm sometimes an emotional person and I got to say, that hurt. I try to understand people's decision and why they make them. I try to put myself in their shoes and play out scenarios in my head that they would go through and I seriously thought they would be fine with us living with us. They were not.

Now what?

I ask this question because what happens when the tables are turned. What happens if they need help or a place to stay. Do I stick to obeying the comandment honor thy father and thy mother or do I use that situation as a teaching moment that I feel they need to relearn? I honestly think and hope I would show them I am better than that. I would hope I would just put my feelings aside and figure out what's best short term.

I think I will leave it at that.

Just another post expressing my feelings.

Cheaper than a counseling!