Allegiant air, my favorite Airline I have never flown.

So me and Allegiant airline are buddies Yet...I have never flown on Allegiant air. Not to say I have never wanted to. Trust me. If circumstances were different and I had a family member who would be willing to watch my kids for a weekend I'd probably be writing about how much Allegiant sucks or an opinion piece on how they can make their airline better. I can't do that. The airline I have always wanted to try, I have never been on.

I believe the first time I had heard of Allegiant was in 2007. My wife and I were friends with a newly married couple. The wife was still in the marriage transition stage. You know where you want to hang out with your single friends and your husband can't join you so you travel alone. So she wanted to go home to California and visit her family. She didn't have alot of money but found tickets through Allegiant for like 29 dollars. Her entire round trip ticket was less than 100 dollars. A steal back then.

Soon after I too looked up their prices and where I could fly too. Choices were really slim back then. I think Mesa Arizona had like 3 destinations. I know one was to California and one was to Bend Oregon. I'm not sure where the other destination was. Didn't matter. Back then I would have taken either just to get away. I made some wishful plans to fly to Bend but it was impossible to get away. My wife's parents just went through a divorce and work was not allowing any time off.

In 2008 we moved to Utah. From time to time I would check Allegiants website to see if they had also moved to Utah. In 2010 we bought our first home. In my garage above a picture of my oldest daughter I had a black and white picture of an Allegiant airplane at Pheonix Mesa gateway airport. Below it I wrote "some day"

(Not the actual photo. The photo I had was of the MD80)

In 2011 one of my favorite quick vacations was to Wendover Nevada. Back then (and still today) I truly believed that I would have a life-changing Lucky moment. I worked 4 days a week and would have Mondays off. Wendover had the best deals on Sunday night so a few times (as far as I remember 3 times between 2011-2013) we would on a whim book a room and head to Wendover with our kids and try our luck at the the slot machines. I believe all 3 times we went we ended up losing. The last time we went My wife went to the casino first (because of our small kids, only one of us could go gamble at a time)and she won 7 dollars. I went and lost 20. I was so humiliated and desperate for my wife not to find out so I took out another 20 dollars out of the atm from a separate bank account we hardly used and lost that too. In total with the ATM fee I lost 43 dollars. That was alot of money to us back then. It was hard to keep our bank account above 200 dollars. Years later after we had nearly 10 grand in our account I admitted to my wife I had Lost money that night. How'd she take it? We had over 10 grand in our account. How do you think she took it? I slept in my bed that night. If my wife found out the night I lost it, I'd probably be sleeping outside our hotel room 'lol'.

In Wendover they have a museum and some old ruins from a military base at the airport. From what I remember there was an old swimming pool that had been taken over with weeds and some old buildings. When we headed over to the museum I noticed a large group of people entering a building to be screened before leaving on an airline. I thought that was odd because I didn't think Wendover had flights. I talked to the employee at the museum and she informed me that Wendover does Charter Flights. Basically once or twice a week they fly people in from certain destinations for a few days and fly them back. My timing may be a little off, but I believe around 6 months later we again returned to that musuem. It was then for the first time I saw my first Allegiant airplane. Wendover had switched airlines for their Charter flight program. Allegiant air were finally within a reasonable distance (90 miles) to where I could justify a flight.

Again this was all wishful planning and for the price of a round trip ticket would be only a one way for me and my wife, but the round trip tickets were still cheaper than a one way ticket. My pricing may be a little off, but you could get a ticket between 79-129. A good price even for a one way. I had several moments looking at destinations having wishful planning that never happened. Again my plans for a ride on Allegiant faded away as I grew to a reality of responsibility and Parenthood.

In 2011 the city of Provo Utah thought it would be a great idea to add a commercial airline to their Airport.

From the daily Herald dated March 2 2011.

"Denver-based Frontier Airlines has announced it will start providing the first scheduled commercial air travel out of the Provo airport in June, according to Mayor John Curtis and Frontier executives. The announcement comes after several years of strategic planning, airport improvements and a $500,000 grant from the FAA last fall that helped forward negotiations."

This is a longed-for day," Curtis said. "I truly believe this is a game changer."

Haha. Yeah right. Imediately after reading this and watching news reports I was like. Are you guys kidding me? Then I wondered maybe it will be good? Maybe they will offer competitive pricing?

Nope!

I believe they had only one flight. That was to Denver and a one way ticket was around 212 to over 300 dollars. Not very competitive especially compared to Allegiant air.

Later that year the Daily Herald did another story.

Frontier Airlines had its first flight out of Provo. All of the politicians and big Whigs either were on the flight or had a comment about the flight. Everyone was excited.
I was not

From the Article dated June 22 2011.

Gov. Gary Herbert was among the first to arrive at the airport Tuesday. "This has been a long time coming," he said. "I was born and raised here and a things have changed a lot. I always thought Provo was kind of like Andy Griffith's Mayberry RFD. This is a red letter day. Mayberry RFD is all grown up."

Mr Herbert later said,

"Frontier sees there's a role to play here. I think it's wise and prudent," Herbert said.

Yeah. Not as wise as bringing Allegiant air but it will take a year for Provo and Frontier to figure that out.

Congressman Jason Chaffets also gave a comment on this article.

"This morning's flight is a real flight for me. I'm going on to Washington, D.C.," Chaffetz said. "It took a leap of faith for Frontier to invest in this. Anytime an airline comes into an area, it puts you on the map. Provo is on the map."

Frontier did invest yet they also got a GRANT of 500k from the FAA

Later the article goes on to say,

Chaffetz also talked about the advantages of doing more business between Denver and Provo and the other positives about this new connection and service.

"I think this will be such a benefit to business here and in Denver," Chaffetz said. "And no body scanners. It's a win-win for everyone."

When I read this article for the first time I was practically talking to my computer screen. This is not a good idea. Having a slightly lower cost airline going to one destination is not going to work in Provo.

From the article,

Notables on the plane include several department heads and leaders in state and Provo city government, including Sen. John Valentine, R-Orem, Sen. Margaret Dayton, R-Orem, the Provo Municipal Council, Utah County commissioners, Travel and Tourism Bureau representatives, BYU president Cecil O. Samuelson, BYU mascot Cosmo and more.

So was Frontier a good choice? Not as good as Allegiant. In the first article it mentions that Provo had Frontier first on it's list. I wonder what number Allegiant was, or if it was even on the list.

Over one year later Frontier announced it was ending it's flights to Provo.

In the Daily Herald article dated Sept.15 2012.

The headline read.

"Frontier airlines to stop Provo flights"

Politicians were shocked! I was not.

From the article,

When the mayor first heard the news he said it was a shock to his system.

"There has been a lot of emotional investment put in to this by the community. It stings a little. We've proven to the world we can support commercial flights."

The mayor noted that Frontier had made comments to him about leaving earlier on, but always said, nope we're staying. He was hoping this announcement would be the same.

Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, has flown out of Provo and his first reaction was one word, "Bummer!"

Chaffetz added, "Chalk it up to a good solid test and we passed. Someone will come in. The demand is there, the supply will follow."

Here's my opinion of why it didn't work out. Frontier was having financial problems at the time and yes that's was a factor but in the very first article where everyone was hyped up about Frontier coming to Provo Nu Skin made a comment,

Nu Skin, the fifth-largest employer in Provo, expects its distributors to make good use of the new air service. "We have 800,000 distributors that fly in all the time for conventions and meetings," said Gary Garrett, vice president of Nu Skin.

So did a local businessman

Mark Openshaw, local businessman and member of the airport board said, "I have a business partner in Castlerock, Colorado. I'd love to see this service."

In the entire article not one college kid nor every day hard working non business non politician say anything! This airline was not catering toward an everyday person or to a college town who's tuition cost are suplimented by tithing. From the beginning it was obvious they were catering to buisness woman and men.

While this whole failure played out Allegiant finally moved to Utah!

Ogden apparently had more insights on how well a low cost airline would do well in a smaller airport.

In September of 2012 Ogden started flying Allegiant. Soon after Provo followed. Allegiant has NOT failed like Frontier DID. Here we are almost 7 years later and Allegiant is still going strong. Here we are 12 years after I first wanted to try Allegiant and I still have not.

I did want to go in depth on the 60 minute investigation on Allegiant but I am losing interest in this post. I did want to say this. 60 minutes was aired on April 15th. Two days later Southwest airlines had an inflight accident where they had a death caused by a mechanical failure and decompression. How many people have died on Allegiant? Don't get me wrong I like Southwest. I just thought the investigation was very directional and had a broader purpose than airline safety. I truly think they wanted Allegiant to suffer financial loss so other airlines wouldn't have the competition.

So why am I writing all of this? Well for several reasons. One I'm adding a flight on Allegiant to my bucket list. Second I'm adding it as an alternative to my ransom and third even though it's wishful planning, I am putting plans to have a weekend getaway to Vegas on Allegiant. It's in the crosshairs it's on the bucket list it's on the blog.

Allegiant, give me chance to try ya...

Pathway to Happiness part 1. Stop Envying.

So I I'm going to start a series of post that may take some time or at least I hope it takes some time to finish. Reason being I want to fully disect my thoughts feelings and ideas  A while back after having some crappy depressing day's in January where depression meets snowy gloomy days on top of snowy gloomy days with no sunshine in sight, I asked myself a question. Why am I not happy? Followed by how can I be happy?

We are all human beings who have needs. Food water shelter warm clothing love friendship. Among other things we also need happiness. Now for me happiness is a recipe that I have not perfected. I don't think I will ever perfect it but when I'm experiencing more and more misery I have to ask myself, what am I missing? Why Am I not happy.

Like with the needs I mentioned above a single thing or idea is not going to make anyone completely happy. A person who so badly wants a house, works hard to get a down payment and a loan, and then one day buys a house may find happiness and then missery. What if he loses income and finds it hard to pay for his house? Then he may be enslaved to work multiple jobs just to keep his mortgage fed. Is that really happiness? Another example may be a person who has a dream car. Same thing happens. Loss of income makes it harder to pay the car payment. Soon his car payment is enslaving him to work harder. He or she does but has to spend more time doing things they don't enjoy. Is it really worth it? Does that one item bring you that much happiness and joy it's worth spending all of that extra time working?

I think too often people think that envy is the key to happiness. If I can just get my friends to covet my life. Then I can be happy. If I can just be one step ahead of them in new technology then I will be happy. For some that's easy to do. There are people in this world born with a silver spoon and have wealth and opportunity before they are able to recognize life. Heck some are born with a copper spoon. Not super rich but still have more opportunities than most middle class Americans. And then there is me. I guess you could say I was born with a plastic spork. Just enough practicality to give me hope, I guess.

Going back to buying a house that causes misery instead of happiness let me share this story of a former coworker.

I started working for a clothing rental company in June of 2006. This was before 4 dollar gas and the market crash of 2007-08. I had a fellow co-worker who was in management and was paid somewhat well. At around this time he decided to buy a house. I'm not sure his financial terms on the mortgage but I do know his interest rate must not of been fixed. For a year his finances seemed fine. Then the mortgage industry started to collapse. He didn't lose income but suddenly his mortgage was alot more than what he had planned. Soon he was very limited on all of his purchases. He would pack a lunch every day. Not to save money, not because it was cheaper but because he was forced to. I'm pretty sure he wasn't exactly happy.

I'm going to end on this note. I myself have been caught up in envy. I myself wished I had people envious of my life. I'm continually losing the battle. I simply don't have the financial success that others have. I don't have family that I can rely on. I'm also finding others have taken the need of envy of others to unhealthy levels. I often mention my in-laws in my post. It's my opinion that some of their actions are so others will envy their life. When you dig deeper you soon find alot of debt. There is no wealth behind the new cars they buy or the trips they take.

I think the lesson here is to stop wasting focus on others success and work hard on your own success. Stop trying to get others to envy your life. Focus on your happiness. It may require some money but it does not require others envy.

Dieting Sucks! But is rewarding

So I am starving!

On purpose.

Back in November 2018 my wife joined a weight loss challenge and challenged me to join her. It was an all girls challenge so I was not allowed to participate but she still wanted me lose weight with her. The challenge was through the holidays, the main focus being losing weight not gaining like we normally do through the holidays. I was hesitant at first but seeing her make it through Thanksgiving weighing and measuring all of her foods to make sure she wasn't going over her calories ( oh she let go on Thanksgiving day)  and seeing the changes in her I decided to give it a try. I gave up soda and throughout December I went from 268 pounds down to 257. On Sunday when I usually felt the fattest because my church clothes didn't fit I started to feel good and my clothes were starting to get loser. Than New year's came. I gorged on food throughout new years eve and new year's day. I kept telling myself to get back on the diet but I kept pushing it back. To my credit two weeks after New year's I had only gained 2 pounds. 3 weeks after that I was back up to 265.

In February we decided to go visit a national park. When my wife posted our pictures I wasn't too happy seeing my fat self by this slimmer lady. At one point she took a video of us running. Again either the camera adds 50 pounds or I'm not seeing what other people see. When we got back from the vacation I wanted better pictures and the only way to do that is to lose weight.

On February 11th I weighed in at 265 pounds. 2 days later I lost 3.2 pounds by March 1st I was at 253 pounds as of my last weigh in I'm at 247. So yay me right?

Well this post isn't about my weigh ins but rather how hard this weight loss is! I am hungry almost all the time! I've heard it before that your not doing it right if your hungry to them I call BS here is why. When I feel hungry I lose weight when I don't I don't lose. It's as simple as that. Now to say I'm starving myself I'm absolutely not. According to my app I'm allowed 2100 calories a day. I eat most if not all of them every single day and I am still STARVING come bed time. It sucks it's not easy some days you don't lose and your ready to give up and other days such as today you go into a sort of depression. I seriously wonder if food gave me an antidepressant stimulant because again today all I wanted to do was gorge on comefort food.

So why am I ranting about my own personal weight loss journey?

I'll tell you why.

First of all I've noticed myself being more and more depressed. That will take an entire entry to talk about but I did ask myself one question. What do I need for my own well being. What do I need for my happiness. Again I'll go deeper into that later but one answer I had was lose some weight and be more active. So losing weight although depressing at first will be in my recipe for my own happiness and well being.

Secondly, I'm letting the world know that dieting sucks! Plain a simple it sucks. When your out shopping and want your usual snack, forget it. You can't. A single snack can be enough calories to take up an entire meal. When you crave your favorite restaurant, again, forget it. Most places I know again do not fit within your calorie range. This leaves eating at home most of the time.

Now onto the positives. First of all there is plenty to eat. When you eat half of what you used to eat at dinner there are always leftovers. One reason we don't eat out anymore is because there are always leftovers to eat.

You appreciate food more. When I eat all my calories, I'm still hungry, and I see my kids waisting food it bothers me. I can sometimes get 3-4 leftover meals from one good meal. Doesn't mean I eat all of it. I still like diversity in my food choices.

Food taste better. I can't tell you how many times I close my eyes because my food taste so good.

You lose weight!! I'm currently at my lowest weight since 2012!!

You save money. Eating out can take a huge chunk out of your bank account. So can food waist yet healthy food does cost more. Still with eating a third less you do save quite a bit on food.

And I think that's it guys. I'll leave you with my two cents on losing weight.

Stay with it. Even if you fall off and gorge remember your last record weigh in a try to beat it.

Allow yourself some if your favorite foods in moderation. My wife allows herself a donut every once in a while. I too slip a few cookies.

When your hungry your losing. Eat your recommended calories but also get used to being hungry. It's just part of weight loss. Again yes it is

And get a phone app to help you keep a food diary. It sucks sometimes having to input everything you eat but it really helps you know how much food your allowed daily to achieve your goals.

Car loans take away freedoms.

So I was thinking the other day after my car became unable to drive because of a simple coolant leak. (No big deal, I had 2 other cars that were perfectly fine to drive) how much freedom I have gained over the years. My thoughts wandered on how many freedoms people give up not knowing or sometimes caring that they are giving up freedoms they probably didn't know they had. For example. If my car was my only mode of transportation and I needed it I would either be stuck trying to find a part which could take all day. Relying on other people or services if they are available or Trying to find a mechanic which again takes more than a day to get your car back and could cost you alot. Yet I didn't need to do that, why? Because I had learned my lesson from the past to have a back up plan. One of my back up plans is another car. Then I started to think about each if my cars and the freedoms they allow me. My Van allows me to travel with my family. My Van also has alot of storage space to make travel easier. My car gives me a second option of travel. My car is more economical to take on long distances. It's great for dates with my wife and the ocaisional getaway or work travel. Then there's my Durango. It's 4X4 allows us to go on the unpaved roads. It gives us the freedom to explore further than our other two cars can take us. Then we have the snowmobile and the ATV. On snowy days we can go sledding and have a mode of transportation to get us up the hill.

I bring this up because some of you out there may be considering buying a brand new vehicle such as this one.

Now we all come from different financial backgrounds and if you are the person who can afford to pay off this truck in full and have at least 3 times that amount in savings, clap clap, you can stop reading.

For some a job and good credit is all they have to but this truck and they want it. You are the ones I'm directing my message to.

The total value of all that I own is 21.400 dollars. Less than half of the value of this SINGLE truck. That is the ATV the car the van the Durango and the snowmobile. All of Which has given me more freedom then this single truck would. I also own all 5 vehicles. There are no contracts no liens no risk of repossession. I have the titles in hand.

If a person who quite honestly sucks at money management bought this with a car loan and a job to back it up. They would be required to pay an additional 3150 in taxes, over 300 in registration. By the time your done out the door this 45k truck will end up costing you 883 bucks a month. With a required minumum insurance dictated by your finance company your total cost without fuel is around a grand month. 12 grand a year

So first 3 freedoms you have lost

1.Paying alot in taxes

2.Losing a sizable portion of your paycheck

3. Not getting to chose what type of car insurance you want. Your finance company chosrs it's minumum.

A year later the economy has a hiccup. You lose half your hours at work and cannot afford the cost of gas in your truck plus the payment so you chose to borrow someone's car to save money.

Freedom you lost

The value of the 880 dollars

The truck itself because your in survival mode

Relying on others for there mode of transportation because you cannot afford yours

A few months later your work has hit rock bottom and they start laying people off. You get a pink slip

Freedoms you have lost

All the value you have put into your truck which is around 14 grand.

The freedom to keep the truck

The next payment of 880

mode of transportation

Risk of bad credit.

So let's take another situation.

You buy a reasonable older truck for 8 grand on a no interest credit card offer.

You have cash to offer at the dealership you get 800 dollars off.

Within 10 months at the same 880 payment your credit card will be paid off. No interest will be charged and you'll have a small emergency fund of 1100 dollars.

You'll be able to chose what insurance you want. You chose liability and pay only 20 dollars a month. Within a year of driving you've saved around 1200 dollars

When your hours are cut back you have 880 a month more.

If there's a job liss there is no risk of repossession.

So again where are your freedom priorities. Car loans reduce freedom!

January tithing update.

So a couple of months back I wrote down my arguments and feelings about tithing. Again they were mine and mine alone to sort through and try to understand and gain a back a testimony of tithing. Again to give the short story of how I lost my Faith in tithing. I paid a large amount to tithing had the toughest 4 years of my life. Didn't ask for help, donated when I could. Went to someone's house one night to buy furniture. The guy shows us his new furnace that was free thanks to utah. Told us he would drop a thousand dollars a weekend before the economy went down and then proceeds to tell us the food banks are awesome. Just pull up your truck and fill it up. This all the while I have been working 12 hours a day then going to the plasma center to get a few more dollars so I could BUY groceries. When I got my first smart phone in 2013 I started doing research. Turns out free food free healthcare was being giving out and couples and families in my age range were NOT struggling thanks to government, church, and parents. It hit me hard and I started questioning why am I paying to help someone else's situation get better? Now there are those who will say tithing is not for welfare fast offerings are. To them I say I've got proof showing that in a meeting during the recession they said certain fundings that tithing provided for were going to be temporary shut down so needy families (with big houses a car and a truck payment) could get funds to survive.

K I'm done

Anyway the point of this post is to explain how I am currently doing my tithing

Because we are home business owners I've broken it down into 5 categories

Car expenses: We have alot of trips that are business related and we have some that are not. To make it simple, I've decided to go 50/50 as personal and business. We did round trips to the airport in January which were business related which shows we do put alot of miles for business. I also do half car payments. My car payments are different than others because I get to chose how much I pay each month. To explain that would be lengthy so I'll leave it at that. So my total car expenses for January were 344.24. 50% is 172.12

Car 172.12

Next is Business expenses. These are 100%.

Shipping, traveling related, supplies, etc.

For January we had 885.72

Next is Phone/Internet 50% Both phone and internet are shared between business and personal.

My phone bill is complicated because I pay less than what my bill says. Again this would be lengthy explanation so I'll leave it at that..

Phone and internet for January is 95.41

Half would be 47.7.

Next is house and utilities. This is a 12% base to cover the expenses of the home office. Our office space is around 12% of our entire house so 12% of all house maintenance and utilities are not considered income.

Utilities and house expenses for January were 172.49 12% of that is 20.7 that is not income.

Lastly is the mortgage. This is a postponement of payment. I've written my reasons why in the previous post. In the future I will.pay my tithing on my house but from my calculations you lose money on your house the first five years and I argue that your house is a financial investment that nets no return unless you sell it or pay it off.

Mortgage for January was 1636

Total income for January was a sad 1.51 in interest made and 933.19 in a bonus check with a total of 934.7 made

Usually it doesn't look like this but I have had it in the past.

So the net is a negative 1827

No tithing this month

The negative 1827 will be carried over into next month

Chances are I won't be paying tithing until the end of March. To say I need to pay tithing so I can be blessed financially, I did. 2 months ago I finished the year by paying 2200.

Being honest yet knowing I still need to do more, I'm not seeing the blessings of tithing financially. I do however see blessings spiritually and temporarily. I'm not at risk of losing my house nor my cars. In fact my cars have no financial ties to any financial institution. There's no risk of losing them.

Anyway I'll keep anyone who accidentally stumbles on my blog updated on this. I'm curious to know if paying tithing nets any financial blessings? I mean if your promised something you expect your promise to be fulfilled right?

5 year anniversary post

I realized that I haven't had my yearly anniversary post. Bring that it is now 1 day before the end of January I will go ahead and do it now. Let it be known I am doing this rather quickly and without a lot of thought or time. Just a fair warning, my punctuation may not be great nor my sentences make sense but here I go, Here is my 5 year post

First of all I can't believe it's been 5 years since I started. Again to reiterate my story, things were really tough when I began this journey. Right around the time I started my first post I call my wife while she was at a debit only grocery store to tell her to not pay for the food we needed because I just looked at our account and we were again out of money. I was tired of not having enough and quite frankly I was upset that no one helped us. My friends were getting help from parents through rent free living, food, and money. Church members were getting help while having double the mortgage I was. My funds were dwindling. We didn't go to the movies or practically anything fun. We had medical bills that AGAIN no help from our government parents or church paid for. Quite frankly looking back now if I could do it over again I honestly probably would of quit my job found some side gig and got on Medicaid and church assistance. People who do it right are not helped at all. This is why I started this blog. To write my feeling down find out what was wrong and how to correct it. I've learned a lot along the way and I will continue write my opinions down. I'm not done because life is not fair. Not that it will ever be but at least my life has improved. This year I want to make my main focus and goal towards my top 10 ransoms as I call them

Again to reiterate what the top 10 ransoms are they are things I want accomplished before I call it quits on this blog. I will delete this blog if these ransoms are met. I don't have all memorized but some that have been met include a cruise and a house of envy. There are 2 that will be my main focus for 2019. A getaway place and my honeymoon with my honeymoon being my top priority. My wife and I have been married 12 years. The last time we had more than one night away that wasn't business related was in 2014 when we went on a ski tripfor 2 nights. I have been starting preparation for our honeymoon trip including saving money but money is tricky with a family. Anything is liable to come up. Im almost willing to just go in debt to get it done. We will see. As I have realized through my writings I'm not so concerned with credit card debt as I used to be. Credit card debt in unsecured. Credit card debt can be wiped clean. Again not my in my plans but to get my honeymoon done it may come to that.

Other than that I'm not shutting up. I may get busier and write less but I'm not going away. Not that anyone cares sometimes self gratification is very powerful. Mine just happens to be from this blog.

Anyways guys the mission is still on we have completed 5 years of it. I'm still learning. I live in a bigger house. I again don't pay interest on all debts with the exception of my house. Some of my bills are lower and overall things are better. There just still needs to be some improvement. There's always room for improvement. Again guys I warned it might be all over the place. Here's to the 6th year of writing. Hoping it's the best one yet.

"your on your own" a hypocritical lesson?

So I want to tell you a fictional story that has quite a few facts. Before I do that I would like to share how I came up with this story. A few months back and aunt of mine shared a Facebook post regarding her daughter and how she was somewhat disrespectful in expecting to live with them. Vaguely she shared her thoughts so unless you actually knew a few things you probably wouldn't know what she was talking about. I did. So did other relatives and close friends. In the comments my other Aunt S. chimed in with a story about a guy she knew from work. She claimed this guy once asked his father if he could stay temporarily with him. Kind of a building a house situation. His father said no, I've taught you to take charge of your own life, your on your own. The son felt no anger or animosity toward his Father and took that lesson to heart. In the end he told my Aunt S. that it was the greatest lesson he learned.

That kind of struck a nerve with me. I'll explain why through my fictional story later.

Before I write this next part let me say I was actually on my Aunt M's side. My cousin had lived with her before and continually relying on your parents for support is not right. You should learn to fix your situation yourself, but I had to do it, I replied to my Aunt S. comment. I simply asked, “if the situation was reversed and the dad came to the son and asked him for some temporary assistance, the son said no dad your on your own, is it still a great lesson?”

I asked that because guess what, I have asked my parents to live with them temporarily between houses, they said no your on your own, and no I didn't take it as a great lesson, I think the lesson has yet to be learned.

On to my fictional yet somewhat factional story.

Ben grew up in a loving family. His dad was a hard worker and his mom stayed home to take care of him and his siblings. He had a great childhood, graduated and moved off to college. His father knowing the value of hardwork had a meeting with Ben before leaving to college. He let Ben know that nothing is free in this life. Through hard work and learning he knew his son could be successful. Before the meeting was over his father let him know one last thing. He said this famous words, Ben when you leave, you're on your own. We will not be helping you financially, if you decide to live with us in between semesters, we will expect you to get employment and pay your share of the expenses.

While at College Ben Met a girl who he wanted to marry. During Christmas Break he wanted his family to meet his future bride. Ben soon found out he barely had enough money just to get home. He still wanted to go. So he made a plan. He would seek employment with old employers while at his parents until he could get enough money to get back. Unfortunately as life happens Ben's car had problems on the way there. By the end he was limping into the driveway. Work would have to wait, Ben had to fix his car before finding a job

During the next week Ben worked on his car. The last day before he was planning to leave he finally found the problem and fixed his car. His plans for finding employment to pay for the way back was gone. So Ben made another plan. He would ask his parents for a hundred dollar loan so he could get back to school and ask for extra days at his job so he could pay his parents back. Ben was actually really good at budgeting and being responsible, unfortunately he did hit harder times and was in the process of digging himself out. His mom at first said she would loan him the hundred dollars. After dinner that night she asked Ben to come into the kitchen, “your father and I need to talk to you”

On the table was a handwritten contract with 3 blank lines waiting for signature's. Ben's father explained he wasn't happy that Ben was asking for help. He decided that it would be best to have a contract for the loan. In the contract it stated that Ben would need to pay the loan back in monthly payments at a 5% interest. His dad again explained to him he was on his own and that they shouldn't be helping him.

A financial miracle happened the next night. After a 12 hour drive, Ben and his Fiance decided to check mail before departing to their own places. In the mailbox was an insurance settlement check from a fender bender Ben was in a few months prior. It was enough to pay off all of his debts with some to spare. The next day Ben wasted no time writing out a check and paying off the loan. He vowed never again to ask for help from his parents they have made it clear, Ben was on his own.

A year later Ben was Married, A year after that they welcomed their first daughter. They decided to move out of Arizona for a fresh start. 2 years later they welcomed another daughter bought their first house and eventually included 2 more daughters before calling their family whole. During this timeline Ben found out his parents let his older sister and husband live with them during their move and even loaned thousands of dollars to a younger brother so he could go to school. Their house seemed small and again after 6 years Ben and his wife were ready for a change. They listed their house and sold it very quickly. Within a couple of weeks Ben found himself near homelessness. He needed to find something quick. Thinking his parents had changed due to the younger brother having a loan and the older sister being able to stay with them during her move he asked his mom if he could temporarily move in while they finished their house hunting. Ben also thought he had proven himself financially and had enough money to help with any financial burdens he and his family would have been.

His mom didn't quite welcome the idea but decided that it would be ok if Ben and his family temporarily stayed with them. They made preparations and a week before being forced out of their house Ben received a text message from his mom. She had changed her mind and felt it was in the best interest if Ben would find a place to stay elsewhere. At the end of a descriptive and well thought out text she again reiterated the same phrase,

Your on your own.

Being that this part of the story is true and yes Ben is my fictional character, I can't tell you how devastating that text was. I finally figured it out, my parents did not want to help me. They finally had made it clear I was on my own. I was devastated than angry. I started out a text asking questions about my brother about my sister and other things I did not agree or find fair. I reviewed the message and was ready to send it but

I couldn't do it.

I don't know why but I pushed through the tears and decided to be a better person.

Instead I asked for prayers and we immediately started looking for temporary housing. We later found an apartment and lived there for less than two months until we moved into our new home.

Let's finish the story.

After moving into his new home Ben and his wife continually did well in their financial aspects. They never asked for help again. At least not from his parents. Years past and Ben and his wife were consistent in meeting their financial goals. They eventually invested in real estate and had a few properties when something unexpected and unfortunate happened. Ben's Parents home caught fire and burned to and unrepairable state. Bens parents were safe and Ben along with his wife and other siblings went over to make sure their imediate needs were met. Ben's dad still somewhat grasping the situation asked Ben if he could stay with him. Ben paused for a second than started to respond.

“Dad”, he said “you have taught me many things throughout my life. One of those lesson that sticks out this moment is the phrase ‘your on your own’. When I asked for a loan of a hundreds dollars you were disappointed and put me on a contract. In the end you told me I was on my own. When MY FAMILY asked to temporarily move into your house you again with Mom let me know that I was on my own. I'm not trying to be rude but if your going to preach something shouldn't you also be learned in your teachings? Dad let me return the lesson you taught me that was life changing for me and not in a good way.

Your On Your Own….”

If you can't tell I'm actually fed up with some people who think this is some type of “great lesson”. Coming from an financial responsible hardworking individual, in my case many and many others it's not a good lesson at all. It's pure selfishness in a moment of dominance to act completely different then if you are in need.  We should never be a "your on your own" society or family. I have seen people such as my in-laws act completely different when they had financial dominance. You should be HUMBLE HELPFUL AND GREAT FULL whether you have dominance or not. I have seen rich people go poor I've seen humble poor people be snotty rich people and then go right back to humble poor people. Life can change on a dime. If your dishing out lessons while your doing well that you can't in return take in a time of need, maybe you need to stop teaching them.